Love and Hate

Years ago I read that Love and Hate are not opposites and that the opposite of love is indifference.  I now understand what that means.  I love him and I hate him, if I didn't care I wouldn't have this overwhelming desire to stuff a pillow in his face every time I look at him. 

If I didn't care I wouldn't get so bloody upset all the time, if I didn't care I wouldn't have spent all last Saturday crying my eyes out.  

How do you help someone who won't help themselves?   He's overweight, he smokes, he drinks too much, he doesn't exercise.  So Saturday morning I came downstairs and looked at him and he didn't look right, he mumbled at me. Thinking he'd had another stroke I asked him to sit up so I could look at him properly, he refused, I shouted at him, please sit up, I panicked, I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV, he still wouldn't sit up.  I lost it, I threw the remote at him, screamed and shouted, sobbed.  I actually said "Die then! die - leave your kids with no dad, leave me with no husband" 

Drama queen or what? It actually sounds funny now I write it down, it wasn't funny at the time.